Hey all. I'm so happy to be writing to you again. Every week passes quicker and quicker and I'm very quickly approaching my year mark as a missionary. Kinda freaking me out but I'm trying not to think about that. Instead I'm trying to think about the needs of the branch here in Lushnjë and what I can do to support the members here! Works pretty well to be honest. This kind of member support takes a lot of focus and time and emotional/mental energy. Leaves me pretty drained at the end of the day but it is quite fulfilling. I love to serve and I've been given the perfect calling to do so when I have absolutely nothing else to do with my time except for serve. It's great. So grateful.
Speaking of gratitude I actually want to share some of the thoughts I've been having recently. Serving in this calling here I've had a lot on my mind pretty much constantly. Obviously I'm concerned about caring for the spiritual and temporal needs of the members here, but also I've been thinking and pondering a lot when it comes to my own personal state of worthiness or my standing with God. It's led me to a lot of reflecting and recognition of a lot of great changes I've made in my life over the years, but also it has highlighted quite a few weaknesses of mine that have definitely at times gotten in the way of the work. One such weakness I have identified is actually a lack of gratitude. And now I write the things of my soul:
Gratitude is such an interesting principle. In my mind it can be described as being pleased or happy with circumstances or conditions in our lives. That is probably not the official definition but that is what makes most sense in my brain right now and I'm too lazy to look it up on Google so this is what you've got. I'm not trying to win any awards or good good grades with this writing so I'm gonna take the chance to slack off thanks. Anyways, gratitude is such a simple principle that all of us have learned from a very young age. Each person has learned at some point that it is good to say "thank you" whenever someone does something nice to you. As younger children, we start to correlate gratitude with the happiness we feel when good things happen to us. Now as we grow older and our minds develop to the next level, we are introduced to the concept of gratitude even for circumstances that we are not necessarily initially happy with. Those of us who are religious learn even more of this concept. We talk about thanking God for our trials because they will ultimately help us, we learn to be thankful that things are not worse because they always can be, etc.
Now that we've covered the concepts of being grateful for both the good and the bad, it may seem like we've covered everything. But what if things seem neutral? What if things just seem like they happen and don't really have a lot of effect on things? What if things don't seem to benefit us or hurt us? I think now we have organized gratitude into 3 sections. Now that we've done this, I can explain kind of what my goal has been of late with gratitude:
I think gratitude can be deeply tied to the ability to see a need in all things. The good, the bad, and the in-between. Seeing the need, or the purpose in all things, brings gratitude *pleasure with conditions around us* in abundance because we can see that someone has perfectly created and organized this earth for each of us and you can almost physically FEEL the love that that act contains. So first, we recognize the need of things, then we become grateful, then we feel this immense love, and after that comes joy. Fulfillment. Existence. The quintessence of life (just because I have to quote Walter Mitty). It is such a powerful and valuable principle and tool we have been taught, and I am beginning to realize that it is very underrated. So many world problems could be solved if people could just stop and learn how to truly be grateful. I have found myself that many of my problems this last week have just disappeared as soon as I've decided to focus on gratitude. It is a source of immense happiness if we just learn to correctly use it, and you wanna know the best part? Gratitude is an infinite and eternal source of happiness and this tool can be used at any time, in any place, and in any situation.
So I've set a goal for myself to be more grateful. To look for the needfulness in all things. I try now to get up in the morning, walk out onto my balcony, look at the garbage littered in the street below me, and just think "wow. I'm so grateful that garbage exists. I'm so grateful for the bad smell it brings and I'm grateful that it becomes a source of food for these stray dogs that wander around. I'm so grateful that something like garbage can exist, because it enhances my life experience all the more." That was a little bit of an interesting example, but I think you get the idea hahaha. I'd just like to challenge all of you that have chosen to read this highly unorganized train of thought essay thing to set yourself a goal to have this kind of gratitude more. Life is better this way. It isn't ignorance or bliss, it is truly seeing things the way they are and realizing what a miracle it is.
Wow thanks guys I feel good having gotten those thoughts written down somewhere. Hope you enjoy. I guess I can report on my week a bit. Yesterday was district conference in Elbasan (basically stake conference but we are very small) and so I got 11 people besides me and my comp into a sketchy bus and we rode over there and back. It was dope. Also I had an exchange with Elder Zinn who's from the latest group of missionaries and I love the guy. We had a good time. Enjoy the pictures!
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